Imperfect & Mine- Sabattus Maine Photographer

The week before the open house, everything felt like it was going wrong.  The canvas collection arrived wrong, the books wouldn't mount to the wall right, one of my favorite images stuck to the glass and ruined the print, the floors wouldn't shine no matter how many times we washed them, and I still had a to-do list that required stapling to hold all of the pages together.  And I think my marble went down the drain... (bonus points if you can name that book!)

I got home Thursday night and I just lost it.  I cried.  Not cute little tears, but full-out red, runny nose, trying to catch my breath and leaving a huge wet spot on J's shoulder kind of tears.  And J wrapped his arms around me and let me soak his sweatshirt.  When I was done, he asked me what was going on.  I gave him the list of everything that had gone wrong.  And he asked me what was really wrong.  A new wave of tears started as I finally admitted the truth-I was terrified. I was terrified I was crazy to do this.  I was terrified that I wasn't good enough. I was terrified that all these things were signs that I was doing the wrong thing.  He took me by my shoulders, looked me in the eye and with four words, he made it ok. "I believe in you."

See, there are times I am my worst critic. Many times I can't see how far I have come because I am too busy looking at how far I have left to go- standing in front of that damn mirror in the bathroom in the morning, picking apart the very words I have written, viewing my own work- the list is embarrassingly long.  J's calm (and sometimes exasperated) reassurance is my antidote, my voice of reason.  He reminds me that I have to live outside of my own head, that I must focus on the present not the future, keep the goals in mind not every minuscule step along the way.  So I started breathing again. 

Saturday's open house was wonderful.  Friends, family, clients, coworkers and some new faces stopped by to say hello and see the space. I shared my passion, my work and my dream and as I stood in a room surrounded by people who saw that dream, I believed it too.  And that terror eased.

So I have been sitting down to write this blog post to share photos of my space and coming up empty for the past two weeks.  I finally realized that I was trying to put the sunshine and rainbows (unicorns and glitter) spin on it- it is perfect, it went smoothly, everything looks just how I envisioned it in my head.  Problem is, that isn't the truth. The overwhelmed, scared, snotty nosed me two days before opening is the truth.  The me with crazy hair and a 7 year old scrubbing the floor with rags on Saturday morning was the truth. The arms of the people I love and the encouragement from the others that share the space and my family and friends are the truth.  Admitting I can't control the entire world yet again is the truth. And that is what I am about.

In the whirlwind of my everyday life, it is easy to forget that I am my business. My crazy, chaotic, wonderfully imperfect life is who I am, is who Alison Douglass Photography is. I am passionate about being real, about bring your authentic self to the surface and capturing  those interactions, those emotions and that very beauty in my photography.  I don't want to photograph perfect people. I want to photograph real people- the people celebrating who they are right now as they are, even with the extra 20 pounds, the imperfect hair, and the zit (that I will clone out if you like!) I want to photograph the kids that yell at each other one minute and snuggle up close the next. That make silly faces, have snotty noses, their socks don't match, and give me a hug when we are done. The parents that get exasperated with the kids until one little hand slides into theirs or a bear hug comes their way.  I want to photograph the couples who share their first quiet moment together in three weeks in front of my lens and they look at each other with exhausted but new eyes. I want to photograph  mom's who have stretchmarks on their bellies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in their purse and might have forgotten just how beautiful they really are.  I want to photograph dad's who can swaddle faster than a Nascar pit crew and put together that Lego fire truck for the 785th time and sit down to tea parties before firing up the power tools.  That is who I am, those are the people I love, and those are the lives I want to photograph.

We spend so much time searching for and racing toward perfect, keeping up with the Jones', and trying to present our best possible face to the world that we forget the very things that make us imperfect, that make our lives unpredictable and emotional and real are the very things that are perfection. 

My studio space isn't perfect.  But I love it.  I am sitting at my desk writing this surrounded by my work, by photographs of the people I love and it feels like me.  This isn't the blog post I had planned to reveal it, but then again, it is rare life goes according to plan! This is the new studio space for Alison Douglass Photography.  I am proud to show it to you.

 

This is my work space and a tiny fraction of my prop storage.  I love old buildings with nooks and crannies and closets!

I have admitted my Pinterest addiction on several occasions. These cool shelves made of books are one of many ideas I found there that I integrated into my studio space and the open house.  I chose books about writing, medicine and the law representing the career paths I have taken to get here.  On them are my grandfathers camera and my beloved Canon handed down to me by my father.  The faces of those most important to me are there as well. 

The shooting space with two huge windows.

The reception room is still a work in progress and will have some more seating added shortly.  I am in love with my canvas gallery wraps from the amazing Pixel2Canvas.  The hallway to the right leads to the conference room, kitchen, bathroom and my space.

This is my year with Rosie- a shot of her hands, her feet and her face from each of our five sessions documenting her amazing first year.

And our kitchen space.  I realized as I was reviewing all of these that I managed to miss a shot of some of my work in the hallway and will have to post those soon!

I am excited about the opportunities this space offers! January will see lots of boudoir sessions for Valentines day, a SLR boot camp for those wanting to learn the ins and outs of their D-SLR (give me a call to purchase a spot as a Christmas gift!!) and some wonderful new babies! If you would like to stop by and check out the space and say hello, just give me a call and we will find a time that works!